“How’s that baby in your tummy doin’?” asked the little boy I was working with. His big brown eyes stared up at me as he jabbed his finger at my midsection. And no, I definitely was not pregnant. Oh, the joys of working with children. Their humor, honesty, inquisitive nature, and view of the world keeps me laughing. I’ve always been surrounded by children, as one of six in my family. You could say I was predestined to work with children, with four brothers and a sister. I have managed them my whole life – a joint responsibility shared between my parents and me ;).
The eight- to twelve-year-old boys crack me up the most. Prior to opening CONNECT Education, I worked at a different center. We had a rather infamous child come back to the program after a break of a few months. Jeremy* was eleven years old. The other staff members warned me that he was a difficult child to work with. He was very headstrong and would often fly off the handle without warning. He liked his routines, and he liked to challenge authority.
The first day of his re-entry, I prepared for our session together. All the while, I was giving myself a pep talk to remember to: establish my authority and set clear guidelines. I could hear him as soon as he entered the building. He burst into the room, staring me down, his eyes slanted mockingly. I introduced myself and said that we would be working together. I told him that everything would go smoothly as long as he chose to follow a few simple guidelines. He gave a derisive laugh and said, “Looks like we are going to have some problems then.” It felt like a scene from a movie. He was pretty menacing. I couldn’t help but laugh, which I think really threw him.
Contrary to Jeremy’s first impression, we didn’t have problems. Jeremy loved to tell stories, often clips taken from movies and YouTube videos. He had an incredible memory and could recite every detail from the videos. As we went through our activities, rather than shut him down I asked him about the videos and characters. Jeremy would lighten up when I laughed at his jokes or inquired more about Minecraft. As I spent more time interested in his life, he spent less time feeling antagonistic. As I spent more time laughing at his zany sense of humor and less time reprimanding him for his “quirks”, he relaxed. It was not all smooth sailing, of course, but I felt that the value of our relationship outweighed the rough times.
At the end of his time in the program, I knew Jeremy was struggling to say good-bye to me. He stood in the doorway, ready to leave, and said, “I think that you would probably like to stay in touch with me.” A lump rose in my throat as I said, “You are so right! I am really going to miss you.” Jeremy, feeling uncomfortable in this sentimental turn of events said, “We will have to exchange emails, since you probably won’t stay at this dead-end job long. I mean look at this place!” Once again I laughed, which is probably good since I felt myself getting choked up. We did exchange emails and I gleaned a great little friend.
Jeremy represents many of the kids I have worked with. He was misunderstood in many ways. His lack of social awareness and sensory issues dominated everyone’s opinion of him. He was looking for someone to appreciate his sarcastic humor and brilliant memory. One of the worst detriments to these kids is that their self-esteem is greatly impacted by their struggles. The paradox is that they are some of the brightest people I’ve met. They have amazing interests and skills. Some, like Jeremy, struggle socially but have an incredible memory and perspective on life. Others have incredible senses of humor and people skills, but struggle academically. They understand when people are unwilling to sit with them or when they are separated from their peers because of the different accommodations they need.
I love working with these great kids! They need someone who appreciates how bright they are, while working with them to make life less “loud” and easier for them to navigate. They need someone to laugh at their jokes and appreciate the way they view life. They need to be told they are intelligent, but more importantly, they need to see evidence that matches this claim. I feel so privileged to get to interact with and help these children and their parents in our work at CONNECT Education.
*The child’s real name was not used in order to protect his identity.